How to start planning ahead when someone you love has a serious illness
When someone you love receives a serious diagnosis, thinking about the future can feel impossible � or even disloyal. But planning ahead, even in small steps, can give you more choices later and make things easier if circumstances change.
This guide is for anyone in this position � whether you are a partner, adult child, sibling, or close friend. It covers what is worth thinking about, and why earlier is usually better.
Why planning ahead matters
Plans made in advance � when there is time, energy and choice � tend to reflect what someone actually wants. Plans made in a crisis tend to reflect what is immediately available.
Planning ahead does not mean expecting the worst. It means making sure that, whatever happens, the person you love has some say in how things unfold � and that the people around them are not left making guesses under pressure.
It also means that you � the person supporting them � are not carrying the weight of those decisions alone.
Conversations worth having early
What matters most to them
Where they would like to be cared for, what kind of support feels right, and what they absolutely do not want. These conversations are easier earlier � before a crisis removes the space to have them.
Who they want involved in decisions
Is there a person they trust to speak on their behalf if they cannot? Do they want decisions made jointly, or does one person take the lead?
What they already know
Sometimes family members know more � or less � than the person themselves. Be careful not to assume. Let the person lead on what they want to talk about and when.
What they are most worried about
Fear of being a burden, fear of losing independence, financial worries. Naming these things out loud often reduces their power.
These conversations do not need to happen all at once. A series of small, honest conversations over time is far more valuable than one overwhelming discussion.
Practical steps worth taking
Lasting Power of Attorney
A Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) allows someone you trust to make decisions on your behalf � either for property and financial affairs, or health and welfare � if you lose the ability to do so yourself. It can only be set up while the person has mental capacity to do so. If there is any doubt, it is worth acting sooner rather than later.
Advance care planning
An advance care plan records what kind of care and treatment a person would or would not want. It is not the same as giving up � it is about making sure that, if decisions have to be made, they reflect what actually matters to that person. A GP, specialist or palliative care team can help with this.
Financial and practical arrangements
Are there wills in place? Are bank accounts, utilities and key paperwork accessible to those who may need to manage them? Are benefit entitlements being claimed? These are practical questions worth working through before they become urgent.
Housing and home adaptations
If the person wants to remain at home, it may be worth thinking early about whether adaptations would help � and who to contact about them. Occupational therapists can assess needs; some adaptations are available through the council's Disabled Facilities Grant.
Looking after yourself in all of this
Planning ahead for someone else is emotionally demanding. It involves sitting with difficult feelings alongside practical complexity � often while you are already managing a great deal.
You do not have to do this alone, and you do not have to have all the answers at once. Getting support � whether from a GP, a counsellor, a carer support organisation, or someone like InKindRa � is not a sign that you are not coping. It is a sign that you are taking it seriously.
How InKindRa can support you
We can help you work through what needs to be in place � and in what order � so that planning feels manageable rather than overwhelming. We can help you think through conversations that feel difficult to start, and work out which professionals to involve and when.
We work alongside � not instead of � the medical and legal teams involved. Our role is to help you understand the picture, make sense of the options, and feel more in control of what comes next.
Most families do not need to commit to ongoing support straight away. A focused first step can help clarify what is happening, what questions need asking, and what practical next steps may be needed. Many families begin with a Next Steps Review from £275.
Need help applying this to your own situation?
You do not need to have everything organised before getting in touch. InKindRa can help you make sense of what is happening, prepare questions and understand what practical next steps may be needed.
Not sure if this is the right kind of support? Send a short message - no pressure to continue.
Related practical guides:
Begin with an introductory conversation
If you are trying to plan ahead and are not sure where to start, begin with a free, no-pressure conversation.
Or call us on 01743 630199